I had a nightmare.
I was sliding the a sheer cliff of ice trying to desperately grab hold of something. The more frantic I became the more slick the surface became and I tumbled endless into the void.
I feel this is becoming synonymous with my life now. I feel as though the entire world is passing me buy. I confide in myself that hope is lost. I’ve been losing or more accurately ‘not winning’ for so long I begin to doubt that there is any future were I can be successful in any capacity.
It’s frightening. My friends are younger, smarter, healthier and with better education and self esteem then I have ever had. Then again they hadn’t lived as long as I’ve had or had to get up from the bone-crushing lessons served from the school of hard knocks that I’ve had.
This doesn’t make me better.
I’m stuck in a rut. Not a casual, let’s go back to school kinda rut. More like I just had my birthday and I feel as though I’ve been living most of my life as a corpse. Somehere in there I would like to win. I’d like to win big.
I simply have no idea how to do.
I’m sliding of a cliff of ice. I’m falling into the void.
